Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
