wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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