She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
