im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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