the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
