I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
