Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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