took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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