am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
