College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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