I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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