i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
