Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
