so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
