Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
