I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
