Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
