wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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