it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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