I heard we made out
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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