I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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