Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
