why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
