I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
