Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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