Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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