im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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