i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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