i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
