I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
