Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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