I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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