Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think i got beer on your cat.
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