Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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