just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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