I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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