I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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