i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
