I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
