??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
