Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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