1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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