don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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