I hate your face
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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