My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
