now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
