Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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