My first STD was from a foam party
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
where are my eyebrows?
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