can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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