Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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