What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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