happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize