i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
