So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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