Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize