Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
