Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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