why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
