I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
