well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
