Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
