No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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