Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
