What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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