So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
