He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize