if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
