You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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