i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
