My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
false alarm, still single
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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