Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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