Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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