I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
