Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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