I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
