Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
