Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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