literally had 100 drinks last night.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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